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When My Mom had Cancer by Ryan O’Rourke

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When I first found out my Mom had cancer, my world came crashing down.

My mom…my best friend.

I had never thought of her not being there. I only let myself think of the worst – which resulted in becoming utterly depressed. It was as if cancer had dragged me into this deep hole. I spent more time in my room worrying about what could happen than I did spending time with my mom.

I realized that the only way I was going to truly be able to spend memorable time with my mom was if I let go of the toxic thoughts that tainted my relationship with her.

It has almost been 2 years since my mom had cancer, and each day the risk of it coming back decreases. But, there is still a risk.
It may sound weird, but to get rid of those haunting thoughts I close my eyes and picture myself physically pulling this bubble of bad feelings out of my head. And when it comes back I do it all again and again until it’s gone.

Life is beautiful, and I don’t want bad thoughts to blind me from all of the good in life. I realized that one doesn’t lose the battle to cancer when they die. You give cancer the power to kill you when you let it engulf you. In the beginning it was killing me – when I wasn’t even the one who was physically sick.
But by letting go of those negative thoughts and enjoying every moment, I am closer to my mom than I ever was before.

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